Thursday, September 20, 2007

Where my heart has taken me

I am surely aware the whoever reads my blog knows that I LOVE reading on China Adoption. I guess I can say that it is my guilty pleasure. After we had little Mickey, we were in a tight financial budget and we came to a conclusion that even though we felt that we were not over and we wanted a little girl we really could not afford to have anymore. Luis had his vasectomy done and that was that.

My heart ached for a little girl. About three years ago I started talking about adoption to Luis. He always told me that he would be open to it if the time was right and we were financially more stable to do so. His concerns were that with three kids with so many years apart we would be paying off one college debt and heading into another one. And even though he would love to be as lucky to have another child call him Daddy he felt that his responsibility was with the three at home to try and give them the best he could.

At this point we started to talking to the kids about adoption and a little sister and to tell you the truth Joey nor Little Luis wanted anything to do with it. I guess in their vision all they saw was a little girl running around and taking there stuff. I would ask them if they wanted a little sister and they would just tell me NO. I can say that I felt very confused at this and it did hurt, this coming from them was not what I expected. Luis told me not to pay any mind to them and that they where too young to understand. I never mentioned this to them again.

Every now and then there would be conversations between Luis and I about adoption and how lucky we would be if we were able to do so. I have even looked at information to sponsor a child from the Philips Hayden foundation that this person recommended to me.

Years have gone by and it has always been there lingering in my heart. I have talked to my family about this and I just get “You already got three kids you must be crazy”. I guess they can not truly understand what my heart and my mind have been telling me to do for years.

A couple of months ago, while at the computer reading and catching up on blogs little Luis came up to me and asked me what I was looking at. If I am not mistaken I was at the page looking at families being united. I explained to him that these were families that were adopting a little girl or boy from China. He told me: Can I sit next to you and see Mommy? I of coursed pulled a chair and started going though the sites. There where so many pictures on the sites and he was fascinated. We came upon pictures of orphanages and of very poor provinces in the area. His face was puzzled and I asked him what was wrong. He asked me: Who plays with the babies? I explained to him that the kids played with themselves or other kids in the orphanages and that they had people there to help but that not every time a baby cries they can carry them and sooth them. He then asked me Mommy what do you have to do to adopt a baby? I explained to him to his best knowledge what I new of the procedure and how long it took and more or less the expenses that this would be. What he told me then would blow my socks off! He said Mommy my heart tells me we should adopt a baby. I was speechless! He said How much does it cost? I told him that it was not about the money if not what was in my heart. I said I would give my heart to be able to adopt… He told me Mommy you can have my heart too! I started to cry… I never told this to Big Luis I held it dear to my heart.

Well yesterday while watching Kids Nation Little Luis was so excited. Well while watching this we saw a little Asian 8 year old boy on the show. I made a comment like “OMG he is just so adorable”. Little Luis looks at his dad and told him: “Daddy I want you and Mommy to adopt a baby from China” Luis just looked at me in awe. Then little Luis said “We can all give our hearts and bring a baby home”.

Today I want to say that we have started looking into Adoption Agencies online and have requested information from one agency.

What will happen I do not know. Will we be able to do this, don’t know either. Do we meet all of the requirements? Will we be able to do this financially? All I know is that I have taken the first step! I know that the wait for China is just agonizing at this moment, but it is well worth it… It is something that if we plan it out right maybe after Joey is off to College we will be DTC (3 years +/-).


Jeter Mama said...

oh my God Noemi, this post had me in tear. Your conversation with our son in front of the computer - you are raising a very special little boy! You let me know if I can help you out in ANY way - I mean it.
Your heart will lead you on whatever path God meant for you to take.
ANDDDDDDDDDDDD, if you do move forward and adopt from China, I can FINALLY say I'm not the only Puerto Rican adopting a Chinese baby!!!!!
Hugs sista - good luck.

Special K said...

Okay.. I'm crying now too.

You can do this. I know you can. If there is already a place for her in your heart than you have to find a way to bring her home.

The ONLY good thing about the wait is that it helps with the finances. So that's one way to look at things. You'll have more time to save the money or pay back the loans while you're waiting. I initially didn't have all the money saved either and took out a home equity loan. But since the wait has gotten so long, I've already paid off the first half of my fees. The second half is not due until referral and I'll have it all saved by then.

If there's anything I can help with, e-mail me.
miles2mia @ yahoo dot com
My adoption agency is in Florida. Celebrate Children International in Oviedo.

redmaryjanes said...

I am in tears. Little Luis, bless his heart! With the wait the way it is, most likely it would be close to 3 years before a child came unless you went special needs. That also gives you a long time to get things payed for.
I would love to see your beautiful family add a new member!

Elle said...

That's so awesome!! Good luck on your journey through adoption!

kris said...

I am crying so hard... so hard... that was God speaking through your boy, that was the Holy Spirit working in the world.

I am in AWE and so honored to see the first page of this chapter in your life being written.

PLEASE email me!!

Steffie B. said...

OMW......I am sobbing.....I am so thrilled for you! Beautiful post....beautiful family....beautiful woman...beautiful Mother.....welcome to the most exciting journey you will ever go on in your life!

Stefanie said...

Oh Noemi. What a warm wonderfully written post. I am so happy for you. You have raised such a wonderful little boy. Lucky you.