The chaos in my house has ended. We are just a family of 5 again. Thank GOD for this, only he knows that I was about to go out of my mind.
Luis, Joey and myself sat down yesterday in the back porch to talk about all of what is going on. I am sure that we have an understanding on how we all feel at this point.
Luis has told me that he takes responsibility for not being home to help me with the boys during the day. But I also understand that he has a very demanding job and that he is out of the house for 12+ hours a day. It does not help that he needs to commute 45 min to work each way.
I also told Joey that is it very stressful for me to have my full-time job and come home to do all of the house work, cook clean and all the rest of the chaoticnis that goes in our house. And I have also realized that I need ME time. I am not a robot that can be on auto mode. I can't be the super mom that I want to be if I don't dedicate some time for me. Even if it is 1/2 hour reading or just relaxing. I have come to terms that it is ok if the laundry does not get done one day; it is ok to feed my kids some Mac & Cheese and not slave on the stove to make them a hearty meal everyday. If I don't have time to clean the floors the world will not end. Being a full time worker and a Mommy has never been easy but this is what I have chosen to do.
Joey has said that he sometimes gives me attitude and that he should not, he understands that there needs to be respect. If he is having a bad day all he needs to do is talk to us and not push us away. I told him that I needed to be his MOM first, and then I can be his FRIEND. However the rules are rules and he needs to obey them. He needs to spend less time on the computer and spend more time with his family. He has accepted the fact that since he has his “girl” friend he has not dedicated time to his little brothers. And he understands that he needs to be a role model for them. He knows that he will make mistakes and at the same time I need to let him make his own mistakes and learn from them. He even said that he needs to learn from his mistake if not it is in vain that he makes them if he will not learn from them.
Talking to him in a calm way I came to realize that my first born, my baby is growing up to be a young man that knows what he wants in life at this stage. How many kids his age are looking into different college websites to see what college offers what route he needs to go in order to get to be in the “CSI” field and from there go into being a “Coroner”. WOW! I can say that we had an enlightening conversation and we all hugged and cried last night.
I prayed to My Lord to give me guidance in being a Mom, to help me understand that we are not perfect and that it is ok to make mistakes. I asked him for Peace and Love in our house.